The chip on your shoulder...Is that your head!?

I promise that my next blog will be film related.  Why do I promise this to roughly 5 people who actually read my blog? Because about half of those 5 people (yes, that is 2.5 people, My readership defies logic) don't understand what the hell it is I'm going on about when I talk about games.  And while I like to believe I'm not a person that goes out of his way to cater for the masses, I also don't want to go about repulsing  only people that willingly read the shite I peddle on the internet.  

So as you've guessed, this is another gaming related blog (Please don't go...).  My last blog ended on a note that I wish to expand upon because I feel it left the wrong impression.  I ended on the note that 'I could have mentioned PC and they'd all be fucked' which in turn makes me sound like one of the most horrifying species on the face of the Earth.  Worse than the repugnant blob fish, worse still than the unprovoked, angry wasp, EVEN WORSE, than me!

Ladies and gentlemen, I of course mean, the stuck-up PC gamer.

Not to be confused with your average PC gamer.  The person who plays football manager because statistics provide the kind of orgasm that their imaginary woman can't.  The person who plays the Sims 3 because raising a family then burning it to the ground is one of life's greatest sadistic pleasures.  The person who plays Civilization to indulge their fantasies of one day ruling the planet by way of of permanent alliance with Julius Caesar.  All these people are those that play games (generally) without hope and agenda and just want to have fun.

Now the stuck up PC gamer....

The stuck up PC gamer is primarily the kind of gamer that adores rubbing your face in their achievements, despite the fact their achievements are none existent in the real world.  One example is when I was a teenager, and one of my acquaintances caught wind of the fact that I like Civilization.  Instead of bonding over what made the game great, my acquaintance instead wanted to brag about how fast he could research 'gunpowder'.  It's as bad as it sounds.

The stuck up PC gamer is also the kind of person that likes to bore you with how awesome their computer hardware is.  They spend a ridiculous amount of money to make their computer more like a T-800 than an actual computer.  I half expect these computers to utter phrases like 'I'll be back' instead of allowing me to set my Sims on fire as they sleep, in glorious detail.  They also own ridiculously expensive keyboards with unnecessary keys and cushions to comfort your hands so you don't become aware of the fact you've not let your computer to eat, piss, sleep in 3 days.

If you have read the last 2 paragraphs and thought 'Oh dear, that's me' then fear not.  There is one final thing that makes the PC nerd, a stuck up PC gamer.  The stuck up PC gamer commits that same repulsive, discriminatory attitude that console fan boys adopt, that I mentioned in the last blog.  But the stuck up PC gamer is worse, much worse.  Whereas the console fan boy is normally a witless idiot who has never been touched in his special place, he is still all about having fun on his damn console.  The hardcore PS3 gamer will ultimately recognise that Uncharted is a great game because he had fun.

The stuck up PC gamer must be superior, at all times, so his games must be beyond fun.  They must have graft, hard work, hours of dedication, constant masturbation and more!  They must be more hardcore than these hardcore console philistines.  Their games can reach graphical perfection, whereas the consoles scurry in the dirt like insects.  They must represent, look down at everything these consoles do.  EVERYTHING.  And should anyone own a console, such as their 7 year old sister and her Wii, they must be disowned for their shear stupidity and cultural stagnation.

I hope it relieves several of you reading this to know, I know no-one like this.

Of course, the best thing about stuck up PC gamers is how much they're actually shat on by console gamers.  Consoles are the big thing in gaming, developers...develop games on consoles and usually port them over elsewhere.  This means that most third party games on the PC are to console standard, and the best these stuck up Gamers can get is a nicer shine and polish.  Of course, Stuck up PC gamers have exclusive games like EVE Online and World of Warcraft, but in my opinion that is more of a reason to pity them.

All in all, I play on my PC like I play on my console.  But to assume that my PC is better than my console is to assume that I am better than most people because I am taller.

Which is probably true actually.