He lives under a bridge.

There is a curious creature in the metaphorical wonderland of the internet.  It doesn't visit the wondrous art galleries of DeviantArteria, or read through the infinite archives of wikipedium, or even perv on young virgins in the epic metropolis of Facebookia.  No, instead this creature donates its time to more curious things.  It hides in wait for something eagerly anticipated, awaits for the giddy people to gather round, then proceed to jump out and throw its shit everywhere.

Ladies and Gentlemen.  This foul smelling beast is an Internet Troll.  And like real life trolls they live under bridges...Sorta.

OK, so my attempts at creating a new fictional fantasy universe themed around the internet, stealing many of Tolkien's original ideas and shamelessly re-branding-them-only-not, is falling through.  So I shall resume this blog in the boring real world sense.

Internet trolls are those horrible little bastards that sit on their arses, complaining about things in the hopes that people listen to them...

...

Before you say 'like you' please note that I am not LITTLE, so it can't possibly apply to me!

Stop it!

But seriously, the internet troll has no point.  They don't write blogs to provide any constructive opinion, they don't want people to see the way they're thinking, they don't even care that people can smell them all the way from the other side of the damn planet.

So why do these horrible little, LITTLE, bastards get an entire blog dedicated to how truly horrible and repugnant they are?  Well, shamelessly it's down to an extreme personal dislike involving a very current real world example.

One of my favourite Xbox 360 games is Dragon Age.

'Ah' you say, realising you are more cooler than me than you first thought.  'Dragon Age eh?  I assume then that this is a fantasy RPG based around Tolkien's original ideas involving shameless re-branding-but-not'  to which I say 'No, you're wrong!  It's a DARK fantasy RPG based around Tolkien's original ideas involving shameless re-branding-but-not'.  To which I wield my cardboard shield and sword in your general direction.

But seriously, Dragon Age is a great game.  It's a game with slow, clunky gameplay and visuals that resemble my toilet after a shitting-and-vomiting virus.  But it made up for this with a brilliant story, incredibly compelling characters, fantastic dialogue and the fact I could commit lesbian sex with a French woman.  The other main appeal of Dragon Age is that it is a 'classic' RPG, in a fast adapting world that's starting to think the old formula is a bit dated and in need of re jigging.

Dragon Age also got very good review scores, averaging about 91 on metacritic.  This meant that Bioware, the game's developers were ready to develop it into a fully fledged franchise similar to the likes of Mass Effect.  So, on they went to make Dragon Age 2, a game which HAD to be better than the original.  So the gameplay had to be improved, the graphics had to upgrade past 'Oh look, brown.'  and of course they had to include more shaggable characters.  And by shaggable I mean Compelling.

This meant they had to make several improvements, none of which I care to list here!

'So what does this have to do with Internet Trolls?' you say.

Simply put, because Bioware are improving the aspects that made Dragon Age the classical RPG, every nerd is weeping into his suspiciously crusty sock.  And instead of being hopeful or constructive they have instead decided they will berate the game to such a degree that the developer and publisher will cry into their laurels, burn all progress and make Dragon Age 1...again.

Of course, the developers ignore them. 

And the nerds transformed into Trolls

And thus the poo flinging began.

Every video and article for Dragon Age 2 is being attacked by trolls.  Find one and see if you wish.  The comments normally consist of 'ORIGINS FOREVER'.

Now this is the part of the blog where I go into my conclusion, and normally being the understanding person I am, I'll suggest ways for internet trolls to instead consider that the game might be good, and that they shouldn't judge it until they've played it.

However, internet trolls don't listen to reason.  or understanding.  Only irrationality, stupidity and ignorance can penetrate that thick brain.

So for any internet troll, this is for you.

OMG YOU'RE SUCH AN UGLY BASTARD WHY DON'T YOU WAIT TILL THE GAME COMES OUT BEFORE YOU JUDGE YOU FAGGOT WITH NO FRIENDS I BET YOU JUST WANT DRAGON AGE ORIGINS AGAIN SO YOU CAN HAVE GAY SEX WITH ZEVRAN LOL

for everyone else, please don't judge me. :(